A conversation between me and my dog

3 09 2009

My dog, Zappa, is the weirdest effing dog on the books. She is more of a needy lez girlfriend than a dog.

INT. HAYDEN HOUSEHOLD, 11:30 AM.

Sarah and Zappa have just come downstairs after a good night’s sleep. No one else is home, which seems to put Zappa on edge.

Sarah: Do you want to go out?

Zappa: No, not really.

Sarah: Do you want a dog biscuit?

Zappa: Don’t patronize me, it’s only 11:30 AM.

Sarah: Do you want to scratch up the leather couch before Dad gets home and yells at you?

Zappa: Well… no. No, we did that yesterday, didn’t we?

Sarah: You did. I’m a human.

Zappa: Right.

Sarah: Do you want to lay on your bed and ignore me?

Zappa: Meh… not really.

Sarah: How about staring out the window and growling at the little kids that you want to eat?

Zappa: I guess I could.

Sarah: But you don’t want to.

Zappa: Not right now.

Sarah: Do you want to just sit on my feet in the middle of the kitchen floor so I can’t go anywhere or do anything without upsetting you?

Zappa: YES, YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

END SCENE.

Zappa, you’re a real jerk sometimes.

——

What do you call a lottery ticket for dogs?

A DOG SCRATCHER.

Other acceptable answer: “You Lucky Dog”, 101 Dalmatian Chances, A Winner Dog.

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One response

3 09 2009
tomphayden

My favorite is when I’m just sitting in my room and Zappa comes in, sits down, farts, and then leaves me to deal with the stench.

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