A Day at the Cape May County Zoo

4 09 2009

Today, on the first full day of Shore Time Extravaganza, Telly and I decided to expand our minds, improve our lives, and generally enjoy some wilderness by visiting the Cape May County Zoo. This was also an attempt to improve our life-ruining karma and counteract whatever immoral acts may occur in Atlantic City tonight. (Hookers? Still illegal, unfortch.)

I haven’t been to a zoo in several years, but I was impressed that a small, donation-based zoo had some pretty sweet animals. Notent notables:

– Lion
– Tiger
– Zebras
– Giraffes
– Red Panda
– Ocelot

Zoo staples that were mysteriously absent, possibly eaten by other zoo animals:

– Orangutans
– Spider monkeys
– Polar brrrs
– Penguins
– Prairie dogs

It was a really nice zoo, all things considered, even though I felt bad that most of the animals did not have animal buds to keep them company. Perhaps that was what the suggested donations were for: “Do you have a couple bucks? We’re trying to find a roommate for our Lion.” How boring to be an animal with literally nothing else going on in your cage. The lemurs had buds. The black bear had buds. But only one lion, one tiger, one red panda. I mean geez, you have three alligators and they probably either hate each other or don’t even realize that they are with other alligators and not just a couple of bumpy logs. Why don’t you trade some of your dumber animals (why does every zoo in New Jersey think that they need a “white tailed deer” exhibit? It’s called “my backyard”) and get cagemates for the guys who live in packs in the wild? An extra lion is probably equal to your entire duck pond and a couple of extra sea turtles.

I was nearly struck blind with cuteness when I realized how many types of animals like to spoon. Black bears spooning? Adorable. Lemurs spooning ON A TIGHT ROPE? Dangerously adorable. Gigantic turtles necking? BLEEEHHHHH I just threw up from adorableness. Not as cute? Snakes cuddling. That’s just lazy.

The zoo also featured many, many birds that were allowed to leave their enclosures and walk around. Maybe not a great business plan to let animals in AND out of your zoo. Have you learned nothing from Night at the Museum? You are inviting chaos into your zoo. The guineafowl and peafowl exhibit featured more seagulls than peacocks. Seagulls, you were not invited to be in the zoo. You have no business trying to strut your stuff next to a majestic peacock. Pack your crap and get the heck out. There were squirrels running in and out of the parrot cages, picking up extra parrot food. A chicken had escaped and was chilling out with the goats. I think a fairly important part of any zoo is organization. What does it say about you, the zoo, when you let ducks and seagulls do whatever they want? It says that you are letting the animals control you. Cape May County, you need to man up. Tell those birds they can stay in their own houses, or they can rent elsewhere. Separate but equal, y’all.

Also, the roaming guineafowl and peafowl posed a serious threat to our dear friend Telly, previously traumatized  by a large bird encounter. You know how little kids love to grab grab grab things? And you know how little kids flock to zoos and seem to multiply once they get inside? Yeah, your birds are going to get attacked. Tell them to stay off the grounds.

But, all in all, a very successful day since I got to feed a goat. And heard the phrase, “What is this, the baby petting zoo?” uttered outside of the waiting area for the carousel. You pet those babies, hefty sir. If the seagulls can do whatever the fuck they want, so can you.

——

What phrase is commonly uttered by teenage lemurs to their parents?

LEMUR ALONE, YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE.

Other acceptable answers: “Does my wide-striped tail make me look fat?” “Stop judging my interracial relationship with this tamarin.”

Advertisements

Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: