A Jersey Lady on Jersey Shore, Part 4

10 01 2010

FACE PUNCH.

Where to begin.

As a lady who has been punched in the face by both a dude and a lady (by choice, no worries here) and as a lady who has been punched in the face AND had it videotaped (also by choice, no worries again. Long story. I almost got kicked out of my dorm because apparently, asking someone to punch you in the face so you can see what a black eye is like is frowned upon at NU. Who knew? Everyone) I can’t understand why MTV would black out this punch during the actual episode.

1. You already showed it in all of the previews. It’s not like anyone interested in Jersey Shore has not already seen it.

2. The news went ahead and showed it like, six billion times. So it’s not like anyone interested in the news has not already seen it.

3. You show dudes getting punched in the face by dudes CONSTANTLY.

4. You showed Snooki get punched in the face (slapped/hit/maybe not totally punched) by a girl two episodes later.

5. You have shown way more effed up biz than Snooki getting Snooki’d. Um, Jackass, anyone? A lot of episodes of True Life, anyone? Tom Green’s testicular surgery, anyone?

So seriously, the only reason to black it out is to annoy me.

I’m no feminist, but I think showing boys hit boys, girls hit girls, girls hit boys, and NOT show boys hit girls is vaguely misogynistic. Maybe. Not totally sure. Either way, to put in a disclaimer about domestic abuse against women was a little over the top. I don’t think it really constitutes domestic abuse if they are not in a relationship and it’s just some rando drunkard punching another rando drunkard, boy or girl.

Obvs, poor Snooki. And in no way do I condone what happened. I just think, after having sat through people shooting up and people getting their testicles removed and people paper cutting all of the skin between their digits, I’m ready to watch a girl get sucker punched at the shore.

But besides all that.

HOLY CRAP, WHAT A TAKE DOWN! In a bad way. Snooki, bless her heart, took it like a champ. The chant of “Please don’t let me be missing any teeth” in the bathroom was particularly poignant. Because that would be anyone’s first instinct. Dentists are expensive, friends. And with several missing teeth, she’d probably have to get dentures, which means denture glue, which is sooooo not conducive to finding a hot, juiced up guido husband in Seaside Heights, NJ.

Although, my favorite thing to come out of this is the phrase “to get Snooki’d.” I went back to the ol’ Dirty Jerz for Christmas/New Year’s and found myself in a North Jersey bar. Nowhere near Sleazeside. And yet, these bars always seem to be filled with guidos because there are a lot of you-are-a-total-idiot-if-you-can’t-get-into-this-college colleges in the area, which sort of breeds the type of bar goers who also may be the type of people to own their own tanning beds. I’m not saying the kids on Jersey Shore are dumb. I’m just saying that maybe these colleges were their reach schools.

Every single time I have been to these bars, without fail, there has been a bar fight. You put a lot of people in a small space and put a bunch of made-up slooters in front of a bunch of disgusting, Christiane Audigier worshiping bros, and there’s bound to be some pugilism. Anyway, this particular night, it was probably a week or two after the epic facepunch episode, so Jersey kids were at their peak of national recognition. Some guy starts punching some other guy, and they are swiftly taken away from the bar. All is calm until someone yells out “That dude just got SNOOKI’D!” and then, the dogs were unleashed. Who let the dogs out? That guy, in the back. The entire bar – the ENTIRE bar – starts chanting “Snooki, Snooki, Snooki” as this dude is kicked out of the bar.

Forget The Battle of Morristown. Forget George Washington. Forget Patriot’s Path. This, this moment in the bar, was a true New Jersey historical moment. Someday, there will be statues of dear Snooki erected in our public parks. “Live free or get Snooki’d” they’ll say. The children will read about her on their whatever-will-be-superior-to-the-Kindle-in-2100s. Moms will name their daughters Snooki, only to have them be called “Schnooki” or “Snickers” in school, because no one will care enough about their weird, half oaf/half dwarf faces to actually worry about what their names are in the first place.

And it will be righteous.

For the five of you that maybe haven’t seen this facepunch, a link, which is a delightful music video-esque cut of all of the punches they showed up to and including the Snooki punch. AKA what they would show, and what they deemed too inappropes to show:

Oh, Snooki. We thought this was the end. And yet, you got punched in the face again this week. You, my friend, have a magnet for facepunches.

Advertisements

Actions

Information

2 responses

20 01 2010
Nedwaaaa?

I still cherish the video of you getting facepunched. In a nice way, I promise.

20 01 2010
quitepossumbly

I almost put it up here, but then I decided I should wait until I’m gainfully employed before unleashing that one.

Besides on facebook, DUH.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: