New Year’s Comparison

2 01 2010

I’ve been inspired by both reading through this old Livejournal of mine (in which every entry is either about a crush that I had or a party that I went to, which is kind of like reliving college through the eyes of the LAMEST PERSON ON EARTH. How were any of you guys friends with me, geez) and also by my new internetquaintance Be The Boy (who is endlessly entertaining and would probably cringe at these LAMEST PERSON ON EARTH entries).

These two things have inspired me to take a look at some old things I was thinking about during New Year’s pasts and see how they hold up to what I’m thinking about this New Year’s present.

I’d look into old resolutions, but I’ve only made one resolution in my whole life, and it was broken within two hours of New Year’s. Thus, I did not make any more.

INVESTIGATION: COMMENCE.

Before January 1, 2005, I looked back at 2004. Some things on my mind:

– Being in college for the first time.
– My brother being in the Marines.
– Having gotten major surgery that year.
– I got written up three times within like, 2 months of college? I did not remember this. Dennis the Menace.
– Generally balancing my high schooler tendencies with college expectations. I was a weirdo.

Before January 1, 2006, here’s what I was thinking about during 2005:

– My brother being in Iraq for a good chunk of the year. Scarifying.
– Creating and premiering my first film in college, Guerrilla Gorilla (which was well received, but was basically the film that almost wasn’t.)
– Joining a sorority. Laff laff laff, I still can’t believe that happened.
– Doing really insane things over the summer with my high school friends and liking them more after high school than I did during high school, which is still true. We went to the shore, Connecticut, and Canada.
– Being in crove with a billion people and apparently wanting a boyfriend really badly. For like, the whole year. So hilaribarrassing. Crove, of course, is more than a crush, less than a love. Crove.

Before Jan 1, 2007, I looked back at 2006:

– Spending 3 weeks over the summer in the hospital with the mystery disease. Turned out to be CMV, which it turns out most people just kind of have and it’s not a big deal. Not me!
– Participating in film, working on sets, being on the Studio 22 board. Making up for being an eff up frosh.
– Dropping out of my sorority. Short lived. Fun. An experience.
– Really not enjoying half of my roommates, particularly the pot head who literally stole my goldfish out of our house and kept him kidnapped at someone else’s house. I don’t think this kid ever graduated. And I don’t think I’m surprised.
– But, on the plus side, met one of my besties for life/the rest of college living in that house. Changed everything.

Before Jan 1, 2008, I looked back at 2007:

– Received a grant to make Slit and Commit. Living/breathing/sleeping the making of this movie. Loving and hating it all at the same time.
– Boyfriend dramz. Laffo.
– Living the dream with the roommates of Flop Haus 2.0.
– Turning 21. Loved it. So silly.
– Working for pay at The N for a couple of weeks. Also met the cast of Degrassi, basically rendering my life partially complete. At least my teenage hopes and dreams.

Before Jan 1, 2009, I looked back at 2008:

– Finishing, premiering, loving Slit and Commit. Cannes Film Festival, y’all.
– Graduating from Northwestern! Best and worst thing ever.
– Having a fantastic time finishing out college, doing ridiculous things, going to ridiculous parties, throwing ridiculous parties.
– Moving back home and starting to teach SAT prep class. Hilario Dawson in so many ways.
– Missing college, like whoa.

And finally, on January 1, 2010 (now January 2), I took a look back at 2009:

– Moving to LA. Biggest change in a long time. Still have mixed feelings.
– Still living at home for most of the year and honestly, really liking it, but knowing I had to peace out eventually.
– Trying, floundering at getting a real life, full time job. Will try harder in 2010.
– Working on the last day that the video store I worked at on and off for 8 years was still in business. Sad times. Except for all of the free DVDs I got.
– Having a great time making new friends and reconnecting with old friends. Bringing on a whole new bout of missing college, natch.

So, a good time was had by most during these last six years. Mostly all that has changed is my age. Hopefully a little more mature. Looking forward to a lot more good times with all of these people I’ve met. I like you guys.





The Case of the Unclaimed Vomit

29 10 2009

In my effort to reinvigorate my abilities to “blog” and “document” and “beat the unemployment boredom”, this story is one I meant to write about a month ago, when it first happened and when it was still a big mystery. Correction: it still IS a big mystery, but not necessarily one that I think about anymore.

Which is probably good, because I believe I think about throw-up far too often.

The Crime Scene: Ms. Lady’s apartment. Ridge and Davis. Heavenston.

The Set Up: Several friends who have not seen each other in months, some in nearly a year, are gathered for a reunion of sorts. Like any good reunion, this reunion involves yelling and screaming into all hours of the morning and attempting to stay up drinking until 9 AM, when the Lady of the House has to leave to attend the first class of the school year. Flawed? Certainly. But some of us died trying. We made it pretty far into the night. Visits from other people we’ve known throughout our college years peppered the evening, replete with a lot of random pictures taken on a Nintendo DSi, of all things. There was singing. There was dancing. There was a secret tryst or three. There. Was. Chaos.

Circa 6 AM, all of the non-sleepover revelers had dispersed back to their selected homes and those left were the travelers staying over. We all survived another hour or two staying up. The Brothers Maguire passed out first. I stayed up with Ms. Lady until she actually did “pull herself together” (quotes because the effort was strong, but ultimately, not great) and go to class. Thus, I went to sleep around 9 AM, when she was gone and everyone else slumbering.

Dilemma: Sometime between that 9 AM parting and re-awakening around 1 PM to pee, someone in our midsts puked all over the bathroom.

And I don’t mean a little bit. I mean like, swamp conditions. You sunk my battleship sort of puke. It was everywhere. Too drunk/tired/confused/disgusted to do anything about it, I left it, used all of my leg muscles to pee without touching the puke, and went back to my spot on the futon.

Around 4 or 5 pm, everyone woke up and suddenly, the vomit was not as easy to ignore. This is a 3 BR, 1 Bath set-up, my friends. There is only so long that a bathroom can be out of commission with insides debris. After the Lady of the House cleaned up, the question still remained: who woke up in the middle of the night (or mid-morning, to most people), puked all over the place without waking anyone, left it without even an attempt to clean it, went back to bed, and then completely forgot about it?

The case was afoot.

Suspects:

1. Myself. I DIDN’T DO IT. Not only did I not eat enough to do all of that biz, I was asleep last, awake first, and apparently starting to sober up by the time 9 AM rolled around. Also I would’ve at least wiped the seat off. Probably would have left the peripheries as they were, but the seat would’ve been sittable.

2. Lady of the House. Doesn’t remember it. Went to class during the time that she would’ve puked. Although, curiously, she never made it to class and returned from her full day of classes circa 11 AM after giving up on going to class and having brunch with a homeless man instead. Curious indeed. She had the food. She had the time frame. But why wouldn’t she clean up her own bathroom? It doesn’t quite add up.

3. Brother #2. Passed out first, woke up last. Slept through at least 2 hours of conversation taking place right next to him. Didn’t feel this kid even roll over in his sleep on the futon, let alone get up and puke and come back down. Unlikely.

4. Brother #1. Our main suspect. Not the kind of kid who would ever clean up his own puke. Also definitely the kind of kid who pukes everywhere (one time while we were roommates he puked all over his bed and instead of cleaning it up, just put his sheets in a garbage bag and went back to sleep. Left the garbage bag in front of a fan to waft the smell throughout the rest of the house. Awesome). Spilled a glass of wine all over himself and the Lady’s bed and continued to sleep in it that very night. But does not remember vom-ing.

5. The roommate. This kid’s a wildcard. Everyone had just met him. He went to a bar for a long time and then came back – who knows what he could have eaten and dranken there? Pretty sure he puked at the bar though, so would he have had the stamina to continue to puke later in the evening? Seemed to stay in his bedroom throughout the evening. Claims it wasn’t him. Hard to tell.

6. The mystery roommate. In my four days at this apartment, I did not see the third roommate once. Is it possible that she came home for a few hours, puked, didn’t clean it up because she knew she could get away with it, and then left again? Possumbly. Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t rule it out, and neither will Sherlock Hayden.

Case Status: Still unsolved. No one will admit to it. The Lady of the House eventually cleaned it up (why was she so comfortable cleaning up the vomit unless it was her own HMMMM?) and the day continued eventually. All fingers point to Brother #1, even though he will deny it up and down. That shit-eating grin and past experience with projectile lots-of-things-ing in beds/bathrooms/bushes make it a little tough to believe this repeat offender.

All suggestions to solving the case welcome.





Some Things That Happened in College Once

25 09 2009

And by college, I mean this weekend when I went back to college and pretended to be in college, even though I am no longer in college and thus, miss college. These things will be explained after I am not exhausted anymore.

1. Baby’s First Parking Ticket.

2. The Case of the Unclaimed Vomit.

3. Dirt Squirrels.

4. The Pervs of Route 80 Rest Stops.

5. Testing the Limits of Drinking Abilities.

All of these things are great. This trip to Evanston was easily my most fun one since being in actual college, and was more fun than many 4 day stretches of actual college. Fantastic.

——

What is another name for me, right now?

Answer: A Northwestern Aglumni (because I am so sad about no more college.)

Alternatives: Dirt Squirrel, Tits Tired.