Finally, the internet fame I’ve always dreamed of

25 07 2010

It took me until right now to realize that the picture I submitted to Passive Aggressive Notes made it on to the website. Very pleased. I need to check the internet more often.

Here it is, in all its glory:

Daddy, Why Are All The Cages Empty?

Only wish I’d realized earlier so that I could have capitalized off of all of this fame. T-shirts. Buttons. A raise at work. A true missed connection with my life.

Still, because it makes me happy and because it wasn’t on the original post, allow me to share another passive aggressive sign from the same zoo, taken by my dear bestie, Paul.

Firstly, the original picture from the post:

The original

And secondly, the BONUS MATERIALS:

The DVD extras

My favorite part is question 5. Seems like about 25 minutes – tops – of google searching would provide a better answer. But what do I know, I’m just a zoo enthusiast. An enzoosiast if you will. Yes, you will.

I already wrote about the zootravaganza when it happened last summer in real time. Just know that on my trip back to the shore this summer, I will do my best to re-visit our dear friends and see if any of them are still alive. Fingers crossed for our favorite, this weirdo half-chicken, half-duck looking mofo:

Affectionately deemed “Chuck” by Paulie.

That is all. Brushes with near-D-list-celebdom like this remind me that I really ought to write more. Also, use the word “ought” more.





In honor of…

20 06 2010

My dear friend Chels, aka The Lady of the House from a post of yore, I return to you, oh blog, for another installment of her absolute favorite thing in the world as of 6 AM on a Monday morning, following an evening of drinking.

ANIMAL KINGDOM MISSED CONNECTIONS.

Enjoy. And happy graduation, dearest Lady of the House.

NAKED MOLE RAT MISSED CONNECTIONS

“I was naked. Seriously, if you look at me again, I’ll call the police.”

“I was naked. Do I have to tell you again? Just because the blinds are open doesn’t mean you have the right to look into my window right when I step out of the shower. It’s a right to privacy, man. I’m serious, the police are on speed dial.”

“I was naked. You were wearing a Detroit Lions jersey and finally, I didn’t mind you staring at me so much. I also appreciate big cats and ruined economies. Next time you’re looking, why don’t you come in? I’ll be waiting. Naked. As usual.”

PORCUPINE MISSED CONNECTIONS

“You were on the Red Line headed to Addison. I was on the platform at Howard. Our quills poked each other and yours were so sharp, they skewered right through my skin. I got stuck to you and as a result, stuck in the doors when they closed on the left. We’re actually still connected – the “missed” part of it is that I missed my train whilst skewered to yours. If you could give me a ride back home, that’d be great.”

“I saw you at the science fair. I was the one in the ‘Will Rock Music Make Your Porcupine Crazy’ booth. You were at the ‘The Right Way to Pet a Porcupine’ display. The sign said to pet you in the direction of your quills. But baby, I want to rub you the wrong way. Reply if you want to get dangerous up in here.”

ONYX MISSED CONNECTIONS

“Oh wait, I’m a kind of rock. I’m on the wrong site.”

BLACK PANTHER MISSED CONNECTIONS

“I was a black panther. You were probably a black panther, but you might have been a cougar or a jaguar. Honestly, I get us confused sometimes. I drive a Prius, by the way.”

“I was a black panther. You were definitely a cougar, or at least you said you were a cougar. But you might have meant that in the new, slangy sort of way, like you were a hip lady cat who likes to bang young man cats. We talked about how offensive that term was – I wasn’t really listening because I was staring at your tips… of your claws. If you want to change the way you think about cougars, you ought to reply to this message. I can change your life.”

“Seriously, does anyone on here know what a panther is? No one? There should be a hybrid website between missed connections and wikipedia so I can look at pictures and say, ‘Yes, yes I am on the right page now.’ Whatever. Who wants to fuck? M2F only, no fat chicks.”

CHICKEN MISSED CONNECTIONS

“I saw you at the Friday social in Henhouse #4. Not the new #4, the old one that’s by #8. It’s a weird system, I know. You had gorgeous plumage, the kind I’d like to pluck before I cook you and eat you for dinner. No, no… that’s a metaphor. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t really do that! That’d be cannibalism! Ha ha! No… no. I wouldn’t.”

“You: man who told me to ‘bock, bock, bock it up, baby.’ Me: woman who didn’t get your joke. I get it now. Pretty clever. In anticipation of your response, I have eaten several extra pieces of gravel with my feed. You know what that means. No gag reflex.”

“You were ahead of me on a weird, long piece of ground that kept moving towards a great, fiery abyss. It looked like heaven, which is probably why we were both so calm – who couldn’t use a sauna after a hard day’s work of pecking at stuff? You winked at me and then… holy shit, is that a guillotine? Yup, yup, your head just got chopped off. I gotta get out of here. Forget this missed connection, I gotta keep my wits about me, what would Rocky do? WHAT WOULD ROCKY D-”

PENGUIN MISSED CONNECTIONS

“I thought I was looking in a mirror when I saw you. Sleek yellow beak, pristine black feathers with an adorable little white breast feathers area. I don’t know if you saw me – I was towards the back, next to the guy with the sleek yellow beak, pristine black feathers with an adorable little white breast feathers area, but in front of the other guy with the sleek yellow beak, pristine black feathers with an adorable little white breast feathers area. It might be a long shot, but I’d like to warm my lonely nights with you.”

“We locked eyes across the glacier. Even though you were not my husband, I agreed to pass my egg to you so I could go get some food. We were so focused on each other that we ended up letting the egg freeze to death by accident. Please respond before my husband gets back. He’s going to be upset.”

“We shared a sardine platter at the Penguins of the World Conference in Greenland. I was giving you a hard time because I’m the kind of penguin that lives in warm weather, and you totally have to live in Antfartica. I only meant it as an opener to ask you to come on vacation to my tropical isle, but you huffed away before I had a chance to invite you. They don’t call us Jackass Penguins for nothing. The offer still stands if I didn’t blow my load on you. Chance! If I didn’t blow my chance.”